the steep price of sleeping in separate bedrooms

my dearest Lover
of a thousand hills
i have forgotten You
and the vows we made

why do i treat You
as an obligation?
it pains me when i
disregard You so

how i have fostered
foreign false fidelities
that have separated
my heart from Yours

and i have slept in arms
that are not Yours
and entertained whispers
of adulterous deeds

i have forgotten Your name
and Your zealous pursuit
that you undertook for me
when i was so young

please pursue me again
do not let me wander
do not let our vows
wither and turn to dust

i smell Your scent
on the winds again
i want to find You
and be found with You

oh, do not leave me
and please forgive me
my dearest Lover
of a thousand hills

my tombstone is an S.O.S.

i wish i didn't have
so much memory
for all of this pain
to steal away from me

so i have made a bed
bitterly, on a sinking ship
now i lay wide awake
as the water overtakes me

there is no heart
no voice or care within me
just all this wreckage
i cannot throw overbroard

i am the immovable
the despondant and silent
iron-willed lead anchor
that pulls myself downward

for if all i can know is grief
from a stark horizon
of sunless, joyless overcast
then let the waves take me

because i do not want
to remember anymore
everything that this pain
has stolen away from me

you have one new text message

i have seen the end.
it is not here,
but it is the home
we've never had here.

pyromaniac

just end it
kill it now
let it die
i want this
i need this
the ending
this freedom
to lay down
forever
watch it burn
here with me
everything
all my hopes
all my dreams
all my fears
all my shame
turned to ash
in these flames
burn it down
burn it down
burn it down
let it all
turn to ash
let it all
blow away
let me sleep
in the room
all ablaze
let the smoke
fill my lungs
let the flames
lick my skin
let it all
burn away
my mistakes
my regrets
my defense
all consumed
nothing more
just a wish
just a prayer
just to fall
just to be
be with You
no more world
no more hate
no more pain
no more lust
just Your arms
just Your heart
just Your eyes
just Your voice
just this wish
to be set
set ablaze

high noon manifesto

please hold me together, God
i just can't seem to hold
the needle and thread
the tape and the stapler
steady enough to do it myself

the pendulum of circumstance
swings with such furious violence
the anger the sorrow
the joy the victory
i am trapped inside its descent

i'm just stuck in this desert
with a map full of holes
the dirt and the rock
the heat and the sun
all actors in this disaster film

where are You in this place?
i can't find You anywhere
Your arms and Your eyes
Your heart and Your voice
once near, are gone from me now

but in You, i will still dare
to hope beyond this prison cage
You find and You free
You seek and You find
i know this is not my end

even here in the heat and pain
i know i will see you again
i will love You and sing
i will run to You and be
forever Your child in Your arms

a letter to the prosecutor

you've always been there, haven't you?
peaking around not-so-distant corners
sneaking behind walls and barriers

you have studied this work of the Maker
critical with plots and dungeon schemes
in allegience with chains and venom

if you're not hiding in shadows and attics
you parade about in light and beauty
but i will name you for what you are

you're the leech of provision and life
the vocal skeleton closet keeper
accuser, abuser, marauder, and rapist

condemning without any legal right
but with trickery and a slithering tongue,
you deceive the free until they are slaves

usurper of truth, the criminal king
the pauper of poison and filth
just a touch from you is madness

out of the movement of your heart
comes every yoke of fear and deceit
that burdens those meant to be free

and your tongue is a leperous child
the mire of every wicked thing
freely flows out from your stomach

with all of your billow and bluster
i can see you as i always have
i am not ignorant of your behavior

i don't know which is more evil
you, and the sum of your villainy,
or to give an ear to what you profess

i needed water, you gave me spit
you gave a rock for bread
and left me alone with scorpions

your enticements have left me vacant
bereft of motion and liberty
with a bed of dirt as my only claim

and i hate this place like i hate myself
and i hate you most of all
just for teaching me how to hate.

the damage report

we are living in dark days
that are begging for renewal
and living shattered lives
that need something that is real

we are losing wars of vanity
we have spiraled out of orbit
of the order of all nature
and the balance of creation

we're just blown aside by winds
listless in the wayward fashions
of a world obsessed with ego
only interested in gain

we're agitated by our chains
and forgotten there's a key
we can't remember how we got here
and cannot leave until we do

we sold our hearts for money
but then that money turned to dirt
still we stuffed it in our mouths
rather than living apart from it

when will we open our eyes and see
all our crutches have collapsed?
on the floor, we wallow aimless
in the mire of our appetites

we've disposed of inhibition
and lost our reason along the way
now we stare, perplexed and hollow,
at walls, vacant and laid bare

because we'd rather trade eternity
for the wisdom of fallen angels
the words they gave has betrayed us
and we still refuse to even see

we've faded away from the burning sun
time will disclose all of our folly
and the risk that we'll return to dust
inches from the Hand of rescue.

my tongue is a shovel, and i am digging my grave

inch by inch and row by row
it seems i make my graveyard grow
with all the hollow words i say
that sparkle, glow, then fade away

they're ridden with this flesh disease
and smell of dead philosophies
wrapped in a swift golden disguise
to hide the lies behind these eyes

no gag or muzzle seems to halt
ill speech seasoned with poisoned salt
that burn the ears of innocence
with fires of verbal ignorance

oh, that i could, oh, that i might
silence the words that scratch and bite
the children of the bleeding heart
such folly tears them all apart

dear Father, King of all Beauty
shine down Your light so i can see
and touch my lips with holy coal
and wash me clean to save my soul

make me Yours and change my heart
and give this life and brand new start
to set its course solely to you
ignite our communion anew

with words that sing of life and love
and all Your wondrous works above
take me now, to You i'll be,
always, a sacrifice for thee.

when the face of your fears is too familiar

oh, what i am to do
when there is no demon
to place the blame
of my disgrace upon?
no, there is only me
and my corrupt heart
a depraved mind
two bloodied hands
eyes that wander for vices
a mouth speaking curses
and feet that run to folly
to take the blame
i point a gun at my enemy
and pull the trigger
only to see through the smoking barrel
the broken corpse of me
i put a blade in the back of my foe
only to feel the knife in my own
as i turn in shock to see
the smiling face of me
because there are days
where nothing would be sweeter
than to place myself
this moldy
muddy
mildewed monster
six feet below the ground
where things that are lifeless belong

the hand

sometimes in the I midst of our WISH greatest trials, we I fall into WAS a silent hand guiding ALIVE us to I safety WISH to ignore this hand is I to give into COULD the poisonous grip of FEEL doubt planted by IF the deceiver of our I hopes BEGGED tell me the reasons why YOU we fall away FOR so easily A this hand will always HEART be there in the midst TO of every situation FEEL but it is our AND choice whether we acquiesce A to its nature MIND of love or to cloak TO ourselves behind CALCULATE contrived THE excuses that will MANY merely enslave us to WAYS deny the implications THAT of a bloody murder that occured I 2,000 years ago LOVE and leave us spitting AND in the hand of HATE love and mercy YOU can you not WITH see MY why do you DOUBLEMINDED not understand ACTIONS this hand we so WOULD often run from in YOU fear GRANT is the only way to ME freedom and THIS the way to DESIRE paradise so stop TO your running FINALLY and choose to BECOME become REAL real

the day after the night before

just when i think
the clouds will stay
and darkness
will never cease
and the rains
will drown me

You come
with love
You speak
to me
How can i not
love You?

You have proven
like so many other times
Your hand
is never too short
to find me
even in the wilderness.

...and this is where he fell that day.

let this place be my tombstone
a place of silent observation
a testament or monument
just let it be at peace

so many wounds on my heart
i have simply fought to hard
or simply not at all
but here i will rest

please lay me down to sleep here
in a verdant bed of green
to return to dust again
to be free from this

this war this plague this world
the vices that it pursues
hands that seek evil
voices the murmur

so many short days and endless nights
i have dwelt in prevailing shadow
of machinery gone astray
such wayward creations

i have tasted the rain and fire
and both are bitter anymore
milk and honey fail me
wine is like dirt

but here, i will be at peace at last
the cross, the end of my days.
the kiss of endless light
an endless reverie

i will gladly forget a thousand days
to know one moment with You
and to be with You at all
restores my soul again

so let it end, end it now forever
cut the chord and the chain
open the gates to Your house
my hope, my destination